2013 has been a terrible
waste of a year for me. It was the year when nothing worked out- work, career,
and relationships all failed disastrously. It was the year when I fell flat on
my face in everything that I tried. The only silver lining has been my
employment with a non-profit organization as a PR person and a teaching
volunteer. Now, this work I actually like. Every Sunday when I get to see the
bright faces of my kids, brimming with enthusiasm and wonder on what priceless
grain of knowledge they might gain today, I know that my life is not completely
a waste.
I had applied to a fellowship in Harvard University. My project proposal was excellent, my references were good and there was no reason why I shouldn't have been selected but 2013 turned that down for me as well. I was 100% positive that I would get through this. I thought life cannot be that unfair and after everything that I've been through this year, the end would definitely be fabulous just to make up for it all! I was wrong. I forgot a very simple fact: Life doesn't owe us anything. It is upon us to create happiness from nothing.
So, what really makes me
unhappy? Is it the fact that the man I was in a relationship with and later
fell in love with doesn't want me? Or is the fact that along with all other
organizations/institutions/opportunities that I applied to this year Harvard
too rejected me? The answer is neither. I am unhappy because somehow,
unconsciously, I have accepted these defeats as final. I have refused to see
through the muddy waters and have accepted being a victim to circumstances.
Probably the right thing to do would be to not register these setbacks at an
emotional level and to think through the reasons why I was not accepted
rationally. And yet somehow I find myself refusing to do so, choosing instead
to shut myself from the world, not accepting any phone calls, texts or
communication of any sort and keeping myself under self-imposed house arrest.
May be I am just not good at handling rejection!
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