THE TYRANNY OF MISFITS

Every society is divided into groups, mostly two: the oppressors and the suppressed. The former is a part of the tyrants. I chose the term 'part of' because they are just a sub-set. Tyrants include a whole lot of individuals who outrageously abuse their power on a daily basis for furthering their selfish, vested interests. Power is a dangerous tool in the hands of less capable. It leads to complete destruction in the hands of fools while when handed over to efficient individuals it creates true leaders.

In a petty event organized by my college recently I noticed the ego clashes and the power struggles that go on even for the tiniest of responsibilities. I have seen people changing in the matter of a few days by the mere act of dumb luck getting them some position of little power. Little power is again a very dangerous entity. You see, a person with full authority would never resort to low-level tactics or put up a display of control. It is only the unfortunate few who somehow gain certain amount of power but don't really know what to do with it and it is this particular, most annoying category of individuals that I absolutely loathe and purely detest. How I wish I could dedicate them every single hate song in my playlist (which are many, by the way)!

Think of it, power struggles run the world. From politics to the entertainment industry, every dimension is ripe with the latest gossip about dirty politics to gain power, no matter its amount- it can be for the post of a peon or the PM. All wars in history were fought for the same reason. The need to control mixed with a certain love for fame creates the worst of monsters. Attaining power for the sake of it is not only lame but also the birth-place of tyranny in a perfectly healthy society. The correct use of power is only to change the world in order to make it a better, more free place to live in.

Till the time the change-makers and the real rebels of the society hold up the beacon, misfits would continue their reign as law-makers making way for high levels of corruption, et al. What better time to stand up for yourself than now?

Moments

There are moments when life is cruel, there are times when life is a total bitch and then there are those times when life is just a complete train-wreck. Over and over again in our lives we have people telling us “May God bless you” but do we ever care to ask ourselves what does this even mean? What is the significance of this statement? If you ask me its just their way of saying, "Buckle up, life is going to be tough. I pray it goes easier on you than it was on me". 

There are times when you just lose it. We crack under certain emotional or environmental stimuli. It could be anything ranging from deep-rooted childhood issues to suppressed rage (as in my case). There's a rat race going on out there and you would hate for yourself to not be a part of it. Its as they say, 'It is better to be a part of life hating it than not being involved at all'. We have to take in everything and just give our best at whatever feels right. 

Making big in life has got little to do with how talented one is. It is all about the GUTS. Ultimately its all about how courageous you are. The intensity with which you follow your dreams determines whether or not you will reach your destination. The most important thing is to participate, to play along and to get up with the same level of enthusiasm every time you fall down. Life would be a lot more easier if we perceive ourselves as eternal students, constantly changing and learning with an infant's curiosity. I feel the biggest advantage of that would be that we would all be free from the shackles of the so-called "self-respect" and/or ego. All the divide, differences and war that there is in the world is only due to this element of "self" that we attach to everything. Being broad-minded simply means putting cause above self and placing others and their needs before our own. All the world's a sinner and they think they are fit to label others and judge everyone around them? Really, what a shame!

The day reminded me of the lyrics of one of my all-time favorite song:

                               "There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
                                     And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
                             When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
                                   With a word she can get what she came for.
                                 And she's buying a stairway to heaven..."

Sassing it up

Does it make me a bad person if I want to K-I-L-L my hostel roommate? Hold that thought. You wouldn't say that if you knew what she is really like. To your face she will be the sweetest (read most fake) person ever, saying sickeningly saccharine stuff but in real life, her meanness could make a nun swear. You know the kind of mean that is manipulative and appears docile to the entire universe while only you know the face behind the mask? She is much worse. Oh, how I wish I could get rid of her! I have tried everything but she just sticks on like a creepy vine...just like my extremely clingy ex-boyfriend. I don't mean to be prejudiced but both of them are Cancerians- the needy lot. The worst part is that she yells. I wish someone would please tell her that raising voice doesn't do anything to raise the quality of her speech. She will still stay her same old lame self. I don't care if you judge me. She has been successfully making my life a living hell for the past six months. She is perhaps the only living person capable of driving me total nuts while my mother, even after her continued attempts, couldn't achieve this feat. Living with an insane person is not easy but living with this crazy woman is unbearable. I hate her and wish her the worst with all my heart with every good reason.

Shadows

Its not working out- How often do we find ourselves uttering the same phrase over and over again while mulling over our slow-paced life over a cup of coffee on a warm, sunny winter's afternoon? What exactly is not working out? Oh, when have we ever been able to put a pin to that! When we can't afford a shrink, 20-somethings have to do by reading their  horoscopes. The need, you may ask? We are always looking for answers, sometimes without even framing proper questions- "Why me?", "Why now?" we look up and inquire. I don't know about you, but that's pretty much my story. Even though I am aware of the futility of my efforts and I shamelessly put these thoughts to paper, I can't stop myself from falling into these patterns over and over. Is that what caused my misery? We would never know. All I know is that at present, in this very moment, I am looking for even more answers: "What exactly went wrong?", "Where did I go wrong?", "When did things start going spiral downwards?", "Will I ever be successful in life?".

There's a reason I am hooked to astrology and Tarot reading. From personal experience I can tell you this habit is highway to hell. You start for fun, as a disbeliever and soon you turn into an amateur learning the craft then before you know it, this is the only thing you can think about. Its poison and I am intoxicated. I wake up at 3 a.m. and start with online tarot card reading, for no practical reason whatsoever. I am so addicted, I just can't break free. I am entrapped and a caged butterfly is never a pretty sight. This is what with-holds me, this is what I need to overcome. Everyday is a new challenge. If only I could stop myself from going towards the dark side, I would be saved but I can only see myself sinking fast, drifting further apart, every single day. 

What have I done? Where is my life taking me? I sound so helpless. My pleas to the lord don't result in anything solid. Perhaps, the entity residing up there also believes in bargaining. What you see is what you get? Forget it. World goes round in a whole new different way now. What you see doesn't necessarily correspond to what you get and just like with every other over-the-counter sale product, God's blessings come with "*Conditions Apply". Its easy to be torturous when you have all the power, isn't this what Jim Carrey told God in the epic movie "Bruce Almighty"? (I swear by that film, no, not literally, Duh!)
Every night I come to the conclusion that:
Life is a journey, a journey of discoveries-about ourselves, about the world and most importantly, about life itself
and every morning, my search for answers begins afresh.