Its not working out- How often do we find ourselves uttering the same phrase over and over again while mulling over our slow-paced life over a cup of coffee on a warm, sunny winter's afternoon? What exactly is not working out? Oh, when have we ever been able to put a pin to that! When we can't afford a shrink, 20-somethings have to do by reading their horoscopes. The need, you may ask? We are always looking for answers, sometimes without even framing proper questions- "Why me?", "Why now?" we look up and inquire. I don't know about you, but that's pretty much my story. Even though I am aware of the futility of my efforts and I shamelessly put these thoughts to paper, I can't stop myself from falling into these patterns over and over. Is that what caused my misery? We would never know. All I know is that at present, in this very moment, I am looking for even more answers: "What exactly went wrong?", "Where did I go wrong?", "When did things start going spiral downwards?", "Will I ever be successful in life?".
There's a reason I am hooked to astrology and Tarot reading. From personal experience I can tell you this habit is highway to hell. You start for fun, as a disbeliever and soon you turn into an amateur learning the craft then before you know it, this is the only thing you can think about. Its poison and I am intoxicated. I wake up at 3 a.m. and start with online tarot card reading, for no practical reason whatsoever. I am so addicted, I just can't break free. I am entrapped and a caged butterfly is never a pretty sight. This is what with-holds me, this is what I need to overcome. Everyday is a new challenge. If only I could stop myself from going towards the dark side, I would be saved but I can only see myself sinking fast, drifting further apart, every single day.
What have I done? Where is my life taking me? I sound so helpless. My pleas to the lord don't result in anything solid. Perhaps, the entity residing up there also believes in bargaining. What you see is what you get? Forget it. World goes round in a whole new different way now. What you see doesn't necessarily correspond to what you get and just like with every other over-the-counter sale product, God's blessings come with "*Conditions Apply". Its easy to be torturous when you have all the power, isn't this what Jim Carrey told God in the epic movie "Bruce Almighty"? (I swear by that film, no, not literally, Duh!)
Every night I come to the conclusion that:
Life is a journey, a journey of discoveries-about ourselves, about the world and most importantly, about life itself
and every morning, my search for answers begins afresh.
There's a reason I am hooked to astrology and Tarot reading. From personal experience I can tell you this habit is highway to hell. You start for fun, as a disbeliever and soon you turn into an amateur learning the craft then before you know it, this is the only thing you can think about. Its poison and I am intoxicated. I wake up at 3 a.m. and start with online tarot card reading, for no practical reason whatsoever. I am so addicted, I just can't break free. I am entrapped and a caged butterfly is never a pretty sight. This is what with-holds me, this is what I need to overcome. Everyday is a new challenge. If only I could stop myself from going towards the dark side, I would be saved but I can only see myself sinking fast, drifting further apart, every single day.
What have I done? Where is my life taking me? I sound so helpless. My pleas to the lord don't result in anything solid. Perhaps, the entity residing up there also believes in bargaining. What you see is what you get? Forget it. World goes round in a whole new different way now. What you see doesn't necessarily correspond to what you get and just like with every other over-the-counter sale product, God's blessings come with "*Conditions Apply". Its easy to be torturous when you have all the power, isn't this what Jim Carrey told God in the epic movie "Bruce Almighty"? (I swear by that film, no, not literally, Duh!)
Every night I come to the conclusion that:
Life is a journey, a journey of discoveries-about ourselves, about the world and most importantly, about life itself
and every morning, my search for answers begins afresh.
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