We've all met them. They exist everywhere and irritate the crap out of all the sane people around who do not share their sentiments. I think I find at least one of these seven kinds of wannabes around me every single day and can't help but pray that someone would someday, politely, show them the mirror. Here's my list:
1. The Wannabe JOKER-:
So, you want to "put a smile on that face"? Good! Please don't ruin it by faking an accent you know nothing about. Not unless you are a professional mimic anyways. Do everyone a favor and stop roaming around with the kitchen knife meant to give your character a "real-life feel". More importantly, stop acting crazy! No one looks good smacking their lips, craning their necks and giving weird looks to every passer-by. Just Please STOP.
2. The Wannabe SHERLOCK-:
Its good that you possess deduction skills to boast of but is it really necessary to embarrass your friends by telling them that you recognize their morning face of shame or that their shoes tell you where they have been really bought from? Trust me, most of you embarrass yourself more than you can imagine. The hollow pipe you dodge around from one corner of your mouth to another is not fooling anyone. Cloaks were uber-cool in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's century. I am sorry, but have you been transported directly from there?
3. The Wannabe GUITARIST/"ROCK STAR"-:
Where do I even begin on this one? Who do you really think you look like with that bag of bones you call a body after stoning yourself silly for what seems like an eternity paired with those ugly long locks? Jim Morrison? The number of men who try this and fail is equal to the number of panelists who try to open their mouths in Arnab Goswami's 'Newshour' but alas! Long hair suit just a handful of men. If you have the talent, why do you even need a "look" that doesn't really convey who YOU are? Before taking the plunge, just ask yourself one simple question: Who is actually going to play the guitar- you or your hair?
4. The Wannabe MODEL-:
Ah! We all know one, don't we? Mind you, I am NOT talking about women only here. Actually, the male wannabe models irritate me much more than their female counterparts. You are all Hulk-ed up and ready to face the camera? Sorry, no chance. You see, there are 'n' number of factors that would limit you and no, "small town" isn't one of them. As far as you girls are concerned, just because the neighborhood Pappu thinks you should be the next Miss India does not mean you wail over how the real judges of the contest rejected you "only because they are partial". Has it ever occurred to you that there is a certain set of international standards that they need to follow and Mr. Pappu's opinion isn't one of them? And Puh...lease stop misusing the term 'Dieting' everytime you eat a fruit or have to refuse that oily plate of snacks your relatives push in front of you. It gives a bad reputation to people like me, who are biologically skinny and do not diet.
5. The Wannabe NERD-:
I get that cracking exams means everything in this country and that being "smart" really takes you places but kindly note that making a mockery of your knowledge by shoving it into other peoples faces at every social gathering is really not the way to go. If you think you are an efficient Programmer/Coder, use it at the proper place. If you read classic English literature, good for you; just don't expect the whole world to follow your lead. You see, the rest of us may not have the "brains" you've got but we do have a little something known as common sense that tells us that you are dying for attention just like a five-year old who seeks appreciation and approval by reciting his/her favorite nursery rhyme on a loop. Get my point?
6. The Wannabe "NIGGA"-:
No; you're not my "broda from anoda motha" ('brother from another mother', for the uneducated). I see no point in your latest makeover with shorts that are a crime hand-off between a baggy jeans and a casual three-fourth or those neck-pieces you wear that seem to be Marley's chains to me. Even that carelessly tossed over baseball cap seems useless in this cricket-obsessed nation. And what's with the accent and the rapping in sync with the jerky hand movements and the crouching shoulders? To me it seems like you're having a fit.
7. The Wannabe "COOL"-:
...Or should I say 'KEWL'. This makes up for almost 65% of the total Wannabe population. One of these alone is sufficient to ruin a comfortable journey or lovely college environment. Do you really think that cramming up every latest fad and following every single fashion tip off tacky websites and newspapers is going to take you far? Listening to everyone's favorite rock band isn't going to do much for you either. Most importantly, stop typing like you've never attended a single English class in your life. If you want to write "My" please don't type "Mah" as the "uncool folks" like me simply refuse to understand.
Dear Wannabes,
Desperation reeks. It is the single most obvious thing about you. For your own sake, put a curb on trying to "fall in line" with "what's rolling" in the world right now. Actually, there's not much you need to do: Find yourself and Be that person.
Sincerely,
Me.
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