Yeah, I know. Weird title. What to do? I just "feel" that way. And that is weirder! Until a few days back all my friends were piling up on me on how I am self-centered, emotionless, can't feel anything, blah. I thought that's how the world works, that's how you are supposed to be when you are a 20-something and I also thought that I m so smart and know everything, so clearly, I was wrong, on all accounts. Anyways, so here's the thing- I found a guy and I think I love him. Typical story, same old stuff but it "feels" different. So, this guy and me are not "in a relationship" (never going to be too, if it remains the same) and neither are we the closest pals. On some days we talk, on many days we do not. Its a simple 'No Expectations, No Demands' kind of thing. I like it this way. There's distance and we have our space, we can be whoever we want to be and the best part is, there is no drama. Sounds perfect, right? I wish it would "feel" that way too.
There are moments when I m a bunch of nerves about this whole thing and then there are utterly blissful moments when I realize the low pressures of not "being with each other". It makes me nervous, jittery, anxious, excited and at times, very bored- all at once. Its incredible but its sad. At time it's like the lovely vistas on the screen of 'Lonely Planet' while at other times it's as colorful as the (*ahem*) raw, primal mating scenes from Discovery Channel. I know this one's different because every time I look at him, I m transported to a parallel universe and yet when I contact this person, I am at my worst or maybe, he somehow brings out the worst in me, like the ugliest side of me. Being quite socially adept, I wish I could be my normal, sane self around this one special individual but I feel so helpless that I just blurt out all my darkest, most sinful secrets to him. The biggest problem is that ever since he is in my life, I feel like a teenager again! I act crazy, say things I don't mean and ride high on an emotional wave all the time. It gets insane by the end of every day and every morning, its fabulous again.
I don't know where I am going with this but one thing's for sure- I haven't felt this way in the longest time and the fact that a workaholic like me could "feel" something, anything at all is a miracle! I m happy. I m different. This is special, very special. :-)
There are moments when I m a bunch of nerves about this whole thing and then there are utterly blissful moments when I realize the low pressures of not "being with each other". It makes me nervous, jittery, anxious, excited and at times, very bored- all at once. Its incredible but its sad. At time it's like the lovely vistas on the screen of 'Lonely Planet' while at other times it's as colorful as the (*ahem*) raw, primal mating scenes from Discovery Channel. I know this one's different because every time I look at him, I m transported to a parallel universe and yet when I contact this person, I am at my worst or maybe, he somehow brings out the worst in me, like the ugliest side of me. Being quite socially adept, I wish I could be my normal, sane self around this one special individual but I feel so helpless that I just blurt out all my darkest, most sinful secrets to him. The biggest problem is that ever since he is in my life, I feel like a teenager again! I act crazy, say things I don't mean and ride high on an emotional wave all the time. It gets insane by the end of every day and every morning, its fabulous again.
I don't know where I am going with this but one thing's for sure- I haven't felt this way in the longest time and the fact that a workaholic like me could "feel" something, anything at all is a miracle! I m happy. I m different. This is special, very special. :-)
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