Dear Younger Self,
I am unaware of what happy coincidence brought you here but I am so glad you are reading this. First things first, I want to begin with telling you something you need to tell yourself everyday: I love you. I love me. There is nothing more empowering, positive or important than being completely in love with yourself and being aware of and accepting all your flaws as an extension of your unique self. Know that you are imperfectly perfect and that is your biggest strength. It is what makes you who you are. As a kid or a teenager it is often hard to find love, acceptance and understanding and I have learnt that the key is to love yourself firstly and lastly. Once your love becomes intrinsic, there is little else you need in the world to feel confident and do better.
As your mid-twenties version stumbling through the wilderness of adulting and sometimes getting it right, there are some crucial life lessons that I wish to impart. These are life lessons and hacks I wish I was told when I was your age. I guess it is unfair to expect these lessons from our traditional parents who still seem to struggle with a lot in the world. Technological progress has been exponential over the past decade which has radically and irrevocably changed the world as you know it and hence, no self-help book in your era was prepared to tell you this. I hope these help you in navigating through those precious years leading up to your adulthood and for all times to come. Here goes:
1. Do NOT be a "Good" Girl:
Break rules. Show that anger. Don't gulp it down. Do not be sorry for how you feel or how an adult made you feel. Do not listen to teachers, parents, elders all the time. The notion of being a "good girl" is a patriarchal and sexist social construct. The sooner you get out of it the better. As you may be aware, there is a lot of politics that goes on in this world surrounding women. They want to control you. They want to turn you into a property with no voice meant to be transferred from one man to another at the time of marriage. You are better than that. You deserve so much better. It is okay to not be an obedient girl. In fact, what I want most for you is to not be that nice, sweet, stereotypical homely girl which you were never born as. My darling, you know you were born this way and that you are meant to stand out. Don't be shy. Don't be afraid. Be exactly who you are for it is pretty awesome.
2. Never apologize for being Ambitious:
You have always been a high achiever and you know it. In fact, the only times you have not been able to achieve exactly what you want is when you were made to feel bad for being your true self - a smart, driven, charismatic and ambitious girl. Remember what I told you earlier, they are only trying to control you so that you don't outshine them. They are angry, jealous, frustrated and coming unhinged because of how awesome you are. Yes, even your so-called well-meaning parents and teachers. Never be sorry for being ambitious. It is your life and you gotta own it. At the end of the day you only need to check if the person in the mirror is happy with you. That person is the only one that truly matters. No one knows you like you. No one loves you like you. Most importantly, no one else gets to live your life no matter how close they are to you. So, if a close family member is asking you to stop being ambitious and help out with household chores because you are a girl, do not feel obliged to listen to them for they definitely do not have your best interests at heart even when they say they do. Be ambitious. Be super ambitious. Do not limit your dreams or your self-confidence based on the societal parameters. More importantly, do not judge yourself. You are doing your best in spite of being trapped in a highly toxic and patriarchal home environment.
3. Never try to hide your evolving Sexual Self:
You are a young woman growing up. Sexuality is a huge part of it. Never be shy, embarrassed or afraid of your sexuality. It will take you time to understand it so, be patient with and kind to yourself. Sometimes you will feel it growing exponentially and at times you would be like any other kid. It is okay. It is completely normal to go through that range of not being aware of your sexual side to feeling like an active sexual being in a matter of days. Do not let the society dictate who you are meant to be sexually. Do not let the society's ancient standards of sexuality in teenagers rule your life. This needs to be reiterated here: Do not let your parents, teachers, friends judge you for being a sexual or asexual being. You are not answerable to the society. Your sexuality is your personal choice and no one gets to have any opinion on that. If they do, let them go to hell along with their opinions and judgments. When it comes to your sexual self, others simply do not matter.
4. Wear whatever you want:
Women's bodies have been the unfortunate target of policing and politicizing since time immemorial. Make sure it stops with you. Do not be afraid to wear exactly what you want. Do not let anybody body-shame you. Be strong. Screw the moral police. They are societal vermin - the worst of the worst. This moral police could include your close family and friends, sometimes your favorite teachers but remember they are societal vermin at the end of the day and their opinion of your body and what clothes you should be wearing is a reflection of their sick mindset. Sadly, it is a disease which can not be cured. Even if it could be cured, you are not responsible for curing it as a young girl. You are only responsible for yourself and that is one responsibility you must take very seriously. Your clothes are an expression of who you are and that must never be compromised on. Do not wield in to peer pressure and wear what makes you feel comfortable. It is okay to experiment with your style. It is okay to not be sure of exactly who you are and how you want to represent yourself to the world. You are growing up and there's a lot of time to decide. Most importantly, remember your worth is not determined by your clothes just like your character is not decided by the length of your skirt. Never let this moronic society tell you otherwise.
5. Be Selfish:
The patriarchal universe thrives on weakening the position of women using a double-edged sword. Women are meant to be sacrificing and are then shamed for being stupid enough to make sacrifices for others. For instance, a home-maker is revered for making the supreme sacrifice of her career for the sake of building a family and is simultaneously shamed for not having a career. As you grow up you shall see how the patriarchal universe is nothing but a double-edged maze meant for women to fail. You do not have to be any part of this universe. Rise above. Be selfish. This involves not being affected by "well-meaning" lectures from your father on how a woman must behave. This mindset belongs in the gutter. Do not feel any guilt when it comes to choosing your studies or extra-curricular activities over family time. Do not be shamed into doing chores when you need to rest or indulge in self-care. Your privacy is equally important. Shut that door when you need to. Do not listen to your yelling parents. They don't understand you because they never tried to. Do not blame yourself for not having good relationship with them anymore. It is entirely their fault and as adults and parents, it is their responsibility to fix that and care for you no matter what. Parents should provide children with unconditional love and when they don't you must not blame yourself as the child. You are golden and they are blind. Choose yourself. Every single time. You are more important than anybody else in your life. Never compromise. You deserve the best.
6. Be Rebellious:
In a patriarchal society a woman being unapologetically herself is the greatest act of rebellion. Never be afraid to question authority. You may be punished for raising your voice and speaking your truth but do it anyway. Most of these authority figures who do not want anything more for you than to become an obedient doormat are the ones who are threatened by your divine presence. They simply can't handle that much awesomeoness. They are also the ones who have never succeeded in being good human beings. In short, they are not worth listening to. Do away with their voices in your head. Rebel against injustice. Rebel against treating adults nicely no matter how evil they are. Rebel against the shaming silence around sexual abuse. Rebel against casual sexism. Rebel against the unquestioned superiority of men especially, in your family. In a world full of blind sheep be the visionary leader. Be the voice of reason for it might be the only one. As the one gifted with the ability to see through and cut through world's bullshit it is your duty to rebel. It is your gift to the world.
7. Be Thick-Skinned:There is nothing this world loves more than a woman who lets everything that people say get under her skin. Do not give them that satisfaction. You are better than that. Don't let people's stupid words affect you. You are wise, intelligent and clever beyond your years. You always have been. There is no reason for someone as smart as you to listen to someone as dumb as them - irrespective of their job titles or position of authority in the society. Remember this society is a big circus run by clowns of the highest order. Don't expect them to become better. Just don't join the circus. Don't be like the rest of them, Darling! Be thick-skinned. Be the woman who dares. Be the woman who doesn't give a damn about her bad reputation or the society's opinions of her. Be the woman who may be damaged, broken, severely imperfect but refuses to be judged by this pathetic society's sexist standards. Don't let anyone get under your skin. You deserve only the best and such people can only pull you back. Don't take it personally if your parents and teachers judge you as per the sick societal standards and you do not measure up. You were never meant to measure up. They haven't come up with any yardstick that could measure you or how terrific you truly are. Don't take your sexist upbringing to your heart and worry about not being perfect. You are perfect beyond measure. Your perfection is unfathomable by these small minds. Let them be. You are not here to improve them. As adults it is their responsibility to work on themselves and if they can't just walk away from them. Remove yourself emotionally and mentally from your toxic home environment and don't feel guilty about it. Be impervious to the patriarchal norms being sold to women in the name of "values". Screw tradition for it promotes sexism. Be thick-skinned enough to be different and own it. I know you have it in you!
8. To Hell with those Sexist, Patriarchal and Misogynistic Monsters who call themselves your Relatives:
Repeat with me: Our Relative are THE Worst. They are not just clowns, they are the entire circus. I am in my mid-twenties and I have gone through hell and back - met all kinds of monsters in this life and yet none quite measure up to the monsters that our relatives are. They are the most sickening people I have ever come across. Screw these people! If the religious sentiment is any solace, these people will burn in hell for all eternity for the horrors they made us go through in life. They do not deserve a place in your wonderful life. Do not let your parents or sibling to make you care about what they think about you. Remember your parents and sibling are equally guilty of being sexist and patriarchal and simply can not rise above. They are not blessed with that ability. However, you are gifted tremendously. You are rare, unique and very different from everyone in your family. Don't feel the pressure to fit in. You were never meant to fit into this disgusting group of people who somehow got the privilege to call you family. They do not deserve you. You deserve a family which is at least a zillion times better than the one you were given. May be in the next life! For this life, do not let these insane, inhuman being bully you into fitting into any standards. None of them - I repeat, not a single one - has any good intentions for you whatsoever. They are highly toxic, selfish people who are immensely self-serving. They have no talents, intelligence or career and will try their best to ruin yours. Why, you may ask? Simply because you are a woman with a world of difference. For the first time they have encountered a woman who they can't control and their sexist, patriarchal selves are beyond themselves with worry. Such people deserve the highest form of karmic punishment and it is coming for them. Your family is the most toxic thing about your life. Make sure you do not let it ruin you. Take away its power. Do not yield into any form of familial control. They do not know what they are doing. It's the same for authoritarian teachers and jealous friends.
9. Be Your Hero:
I don't even need to speak this out loud. No caped superheroes, no knights in shining armor, you are your Hero. Save yourself and Choose yourself first every time. Don't wait for anyone to swoop in and help you. It's self reliance first and always for you. Live your ideal self out. Don't restrict yourself. Don't compromise on those big dreams you have. Know that you can reach them with patience and perseverance. Be your headstrong, stubborn self and don't let any circumstance take your authenticity away from you. Own your power. Live life on your terms. Don't give in to authoritarians and take back what is rightfully yours.
My precious, you have the most wonderful life waiting for you if you remember not to be ruled by this God awful society. You will battle sexism and patriarchy every step along the way. Be strong. Be bold. Be courageous. At times, you will be wrongfully punished for being a woman who dares and at other times, you will find that your closest people have turned against you for the same reason. Rebel against it and remember you aren't in the wrong here. Be confident no matter what the society tells you. The world is your oyster and you are beyond the understanding of small, incapable minds. You are unique and truly rare. No one has any credentials with which to judge you. People only talk about you so much because they are obsessed with you. Let them talk or talk back - choose whichever with zero fear. You are immensely worthy of being loved, valued, talked about, obsessed over and so much more. They, however, are not. There is a singular key to achieve all this: Self Love. Going back to what I started this letter with: I love you and so should you. Love yourself immeasurably and irrevocably. Love yourself first and last. No one and nothing else matters. You are the only 'true love' you shall ever need.
With all the love in the world,
Your Future Self
I am unaware of what happy coincidence brought you here but I am so glad you are reading this. First things first, I want to begin with telling you something you need to tell yourself everyday: I love you. I love me. There is nothing more empowering, positive or important than being completely in love with yourself and being aware of and accepting all your flaws as an extension of your unique self. Know that you are imperfectly perfect and that is your biggest strength. It is what makes you who you are. As a kid or a teenager it is often hard to find love, acceptance and understanding and I have learnt that the key is to love yourself firstly and lastly. Once your love becomes intrinsic, there is little else you need in the world to feel confident and do better.
As your mid-twenties version stumbling through the wilderness of adulting and sometimes getting it right, there are some crucial life lessons that I wish to impart. These are life lessons and hacks I wish I was told when I was your age. I guess it is unfair to expect these lessons from our traditional parents who still seem to struggle with a lot in the world. Technological progress has been exponential over the past decade which has radically and irrevocably changed the world as you know it and hence, no self-help book in your era was prepared to tell you this. I hope these help you in navigating through those precious years leading up to your adulthood and for all times to come. Here goes:
1. Do NOT be a "Good" Girl:
Break rules. Show that anger. Don't gulp it down. Do not be sorry for how you feel or how an adult made you feel. Do not listen to teachers, parents, elders all the time. The notion of being a "good girl" is a patriarchal and sexist social construct. The sooner you get out of it the better. As you may be aware, there is a lot of politics that goes on in this world surrounding women. They want to control you. They want to turn you into a property with no voice meant to be transferred from one man to another at the time of marriage. You are better than that. You deserve so much better. It is okay to not be an obedient girl. In fact, what I want most for you is to not be that nice, sweet, stereotypical homely girl which you were never born as. My darling, you know you were born this way and that you are meant to stand out. Don't be shy. Don't be afraid. Be exactly who you are for it is pretty awesome.
2. Never apologize for being Ambitious:
You have always been a high achiever and you know it. In fact, the only times you have not been able to achieve exactly what you want is when you were made to feel bad for being your true self - a smart, driven, charismatic and ambitious girl. Remember what I told you earlier, they are only trying to control you so that you don't outshine them. They are angry, jealous, frustrated and coming unhinged because of how awesome you are. Yes, even your so-called well-meaning parents and teachers. Never be sorry for being ambitious. It is your life and you gotta own it. At the end of the day you only need to check if the person in the mirror is happy with you. That person is the only one that truly matters. No one knows you like you. No one loves you like you. Most importantly, no one else gets to live your life no matter how close they are to you. So, if a close family member is asking you to stop being ambitious and help out with household chores because you are a girl, do not feel obliged to listen to them for they definitely do not have your best interests at heart even when they say they do. Be ambitious. Be super ambitious. Do not limit your dreams or your self-confidence based on the societal parameters. More importantly, do not judge yourself. You are doing your best in spite of being trapped in a highly toxic and patriarchal home environment.
3. Never try to hide your evolving Sexual Self:
You are a young woman growing up. Sexuality is a huge part of it. Never be shy, embarrassed or afraid of your sexuality. It will take you time to understand it so, be patient with and kind to yourself. Sometimes you will feel it growing exponentially and at times you would be like any other kid. It is okay. It is completely normal to go through that range of not being aware of your sexual side to feeling like an active sexual being in a matter of days. Do not let the society dictate who you are meant to be sexually. Do not let the society's ancient standards of sexuality in teenagers rule your life. This needs to be reiterated here: Do not let your parents, teachers, friends judge you for being a sexual or asexual being. You are not answerable to the society. Your sexuality is your personal choice and no one gets to have any opinion on that. If they do, let them go to hell along with their opinions and judgments. When it comes to your sexual self, others simply do not matter.
4. Wear whatever you want:
Women's bodies have been the unfortunate target of policing and politicizing since time immemorial. Make sure it stops with you. Do not be afraid to wear exactly what you want. Do not let anybody body-shame you. Be strong. Screw the moral police. They are societal vermin - the worst of the worst. This moral police could include your close family and friends, sometimes your favorite teachers but remember they are societal vermin at the end of the day and their opinion of your body and what clothes you should be wearing is a reflection of their sick mindset. Sadly, it is a disease which can not be cured. Even if it could be cured, you are not responsible for curing it as a young girl. You are only responsible for yourself and that is one responsibility you must take very seriously. Your clothes are an expression of who you are and that must never be compromised on. Do not wield in to peer pressure and wear what makes you feel comfortable. It is okay to experiment with your style. It is okay to not be sure of exactly who you are and how you want to represent yourself to the world. You are growing up and there's a lot of time to decide. Most importantly, remember your worth is not determined by your clothes just like your character is not decided by the length of your skirt. Never let this moronic society tell you otherwise.
5. Be Selfish:
The patriarchal universe thrives on weakening the position of women using a double-edged sword. Women are meant to be sacrificing and are then shamed for being stupid enough to make sacrifices for others. For instance, a home-maker is revered for making the supreme sacrifice of her career for the sake of building a family and is simultaneously shamed for not having a career. As you grow up you shall see how the patriarchal universe is nothing but a double-edged maze meant for women to fail. You do not have to be any part of this universe. Rise above. Be selfish. This involves not being affected by "well-meaning" lectures from your father on how a woman must behave. This mindset belongs in the gutter. Do not feel any guilt when it comes to choosing your studies or extra-curricular activities over family time. Do not be shamed into doing chores when you need to rest or indulge in self-care. Your privacy is equally important. Shut that door when you need to. Do not listen to your yelling parents. They don't understand you because they never tried to. Do not blame yourself for not having good relationship with them anymore. It is entirely their fault and as adults and parents, it is their responsibility to fix that and care for you no matter what. Parents should provide children with unconditional love and when they don't you must not blame yourself as the child. You are golden and they are blind. Choose yourself. Every single time. You are more important than anybody else in your life. Never compromise. You deserve the best.
6. Be Rebellious:
In a patriarchal society a woman being unapologetically herself is the greatest act of rebellion. Never be afraid to question authority. You may be punished for raising your voice and speaking your truth but do it anyway. Most of these authority figures who do not want anything more for you than to become an obedient doormat are the ones who are threatened by your divine presence. They simply can't handle that much awesomeoness. They are also the ones who have never succeeded in being good human beings. In short, they are not worth listening to. Do away with their voices in your head. Rebel against injustice. Rebel against treating adults nicely no matter how evil they are. Rebel against the shaming silence around sexual abuse. Rebel against casual sexism. Rebel against the unquestioned superiority of men especially, in your family. In a world full of blind sheep be the visionary leader. Be the voice of reason for it might be the only one. As the one gifted with the ability to see through and cut through world's bullshit it is your duty to rebel. It is your gift to the world.
7. Be Thick-Skinned:There is nothing this world loves more than a woman who lets everything that people say get under her skin. Do not give them that satisfaction. You are better than that. Don't let people's stupid words affect you. You are wise, intelligent and clever beyond your years. You always have been. There is no reason for someone as smart as you to listen to someone as dumb as them - irrespective of their job titles or position of authority in the society. Remember this society is a big circus run by clowns of the highest order. Don't expect them to become better. Just don't join the circus. Don't be like the rest of them, Darling! Be thick-skinned. Be the woman who dares. Be the woman who doesn't give a damn about her bad reputation or the society's opinions of her. Be the woman who may be damaged, broken, severely imperfect but refuses to be judged by this pathetic society's sexist standards. Don't let anyone get under your skin. You deserve only the best and such people can only pull you back. Don't take it personally if your parents and teachers judge you as per the sick societal standards and you do not measure up. You were never meant to measure up. They haven't come up with any yardstick that could measure you or how terrific you truly are. Don't take your sexist upbringing to your heart and worry about not being perfect. You are perfect beyond measure. Your perfection is unfathomable by these small minds. Let them be. You are not here to improve them. As adults it is their responsibility to work on themselves and if they can't just walk away from them. Remove yourself emotionally and mentally from your toxic home environment and don't feel guilty about it. Be impervious to the patriarchal norms being sold to women in the name of "values". Screw tradition for it promotes sexism. Be thick-skinned enough to be different and own it. I know you have it in you!
8. To Hell with those Sexist, Patriarchal and Misogynistic Monsters who call themselves your Relatives:
Repeat with me: Our Relative are THE Worst. They are not just clowns, they are the entire circus. I am in my mid-twenties and I have gone through hell and back - met all kinds of monsters in this life and yet none quite measure up to the monsters that our relatives are. They are the most sickening people I have ever come across. Screw these people! If the religious sentiment is any solace, these people will burn in hell for all eternity for the horrors they made us go through in life. They do not deserve a place in your wonderful life. Do not let your parents or sibling to make you care about what they think about you. Remember your parents and sibling are equally guilty of being sexist and patriarchal and simply can not rise above. They are not blessed with that ability. However, you are gifted tremendously. You are rare, unique and very different from everyone in your family. Don't feel the pressure to fit in. You were never meant to fit into this disgusting group of people who somehow got the privilege to call you family. They do not deserve you. You deserve a family which is at least a zillion times better than the one you were given. May be in the next life! For this life, do not let these insane, inhuman being bully you into fitting into any standards. None of them - I repeat, not a single one - has any good intentions for you whatsoever. They are highly toxic, selfish people who are immensely self-serving. They have no talents, intelligence or career and will try their best to ruin yours. Why, you may ask? Simply because you are a woman with a world of difference. For the first time they have encountered a woman who they can't control and their sexist, patriarchal selves are beyond themselves with worry. Such people deserve the highest form of karmic punishment and it is coming for them. Your family is the most toxic thing about your life. Make sure you do not let it ruin you. Take away its power. Do not yield into any form of familial control. They do not know what they are doing. It's the same for authoritarian teachers and jealous friends.
9. Be Your Hero:
I don't even need to speak this out loud. No caped superheroes, no knights in shining armor, you are your Hero. Save yourself and Choose yourself first every time. Don't wait for anyone to swoop in and help you. It's self reliance first and always for you. Live your ideal self out. Don't restrict yourself. Don't compromise on those big dreams you have. Know that you can reach them with patience and perseverance. Be your headstrong, stubborn self and don't let any circumstance take your authenticity away from you. Own your power. Live life on your terms. Don't give in to authoritarians and take back what is rightfully yours.
My precious, you have the most wonderful life waiting for you if you remember not to be ruled by this God awful society. You will battle sexism and patriarchy every step along the way. Be strong. Be bold. Be courageous. At times, you will be wrongfully punished for being a woman who dares and at other times, you will find that your closest people have turned against you for the same reason. Rebel against it and remember you aren't in the wrong here. Be confident no matter what the society tells you. The world is your oyster and you are beyond the understanding of small, incapable minds. You are unique and truly rare. No one has any credentials with which to judge you. People only talk about you so much because they are obsessed with you. Let them talk or talk back - choose whichever with zero fear. You are immensely worthy of being loved, valued, talked about, obsessed over and so much more. They, however, are not. There is a singular key to achieve all this: Self Love. Going back to what I started this letter with: I love you and so should you. Love yourself immeasurably and irrevocably. Love yourself first and last. No one and nothing else matters. You are the only 'true love' you shall ever need.
With all the love in the world,
Your Future Self
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